Is Divorce About Winning?

If you are just getting started on the path to a divorce, you may feel as if there will be a winner and a loser in the end. The good news is this doesn’t have to be the case. While there are a lot of emotions and even animosity surrounding a divorce and what the changes it represents, it isn’t about winning. It may be difficult to work together, but when two people can work together toward a common goal, the outcome is more likely to be agreeable and fair to both parties.

Common Goals

For the most part, especially if there are children involved, you both likely want the same things. For instance, you want your children to be able to spend time with you and enjoy the same quality of life they previously had. It can be beneficial if you can both sit down together and go over what your goals are so you can focus on them. When you have children involved in a divorce, it’s important to keep their health and emotional well-being in mind first and foremost. If you can both focus on that same common goal, you are much more likely to feel as if everyone has gotten what they wanted and will be able to adjust.

Protect Yourself

While it’s important to make sure the final outcome of the divorce is as fair as possible to everyone, it’s also critical to protect yourself in the process. A divorce will have an impact on many aspects of your life, including finances, lifestyle and the family dynamic. It isn’t just about reaching an agreement that will be suitable for both people now. It’s also important to think about the future and how these decisions will impact you and the rest of the family later in life. It’s important to keep things as civil as possible to protect your interactions later and reduce the amount of animosity between the two of you. However, this isn’t to say you shouldn’t fight hard for the things you really believe are rightfully yours. It does mean you should think carefully and pick your battles to avoid creating problems where they don’t need to be.

Competition Is Harmful to the Kids

Your kids need to be your first priority when it comes to the divorce process. If you are so focused on beating out your soon-to-be ex-spouse, your children will lose every time, regardless of which parent “wins.” Even if you keep your arguments out of the hearing and sight of your children, they will still pick up on the tensions and it will have an impact on their emotional well-being. They may feel as if they must choose sides and they aren’t likely to be prepared for that. In fact, it can cause some serious long-term effects that will require therapy to resolve and could even have an impact on your relationship with your children for the rest of their lives.

Avoid Court

When most people think of going to court, it typically doesn’t sound appealing. Not only is it a time-consuming process that will likely require you to take time off work, but it means you lose control of all of the decisions that will be made. If you don’t agree to things and put it before a judge, he or she will have the ability to make any decisions possible. While they are certainly looking out for the best interest of the children, odds are neither of you will be particularly happy about the outcome. For this reason, it’s important to consider the pros and cons of going to court to help you decide if it truly is the best solution to your issues.

No two divorce cases are alike, but in most situations, it’s best to decide things together and not make it into a situation where you feel as if you must win. While there are certainly cases that are best presented before a judge, many divorce cases can be more smoothly resolved when both parties decide to work together toward a common end goal.

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