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Prevent Co-Parenting Failures

Learning to co-parent after a divorce or separation involves a learning curve. Even though you’ve been parents together for your child’s entire life, your relationship and situation is different after a divorce. Avoid these common pitfalls as you create a co-parenting relationship that will hopefully work for many years.

  • Ignoring the terms of the agreement. You have an order that spells your parenting schedule. You and your ex need to be flexible and ready to make changes as both of you will need accommodations from time to time. However it’s important to respect the basic terms of the order and the overall split of time. The written order should be what you follow as much of the time as possible. The details matter, such as transfer times, and these should not be lost.
  • Misunderstanding motives. If you and your ex don’t actually talk about things, it’s easy to assume he or she is trying to make your life difficult or stick it to you. Try to avoid the blame game and simply assume good motives whenever possible. In the end, motivation doesn’t really matter – you need to deal with the actual situation itself, not the reasons behind it.
  • Incorrect focus. The point of your co-parenting agreement or order is to provide your child with meaningful contact with both parents. The order is not supposed to be about putting parent’s wishes first. The focus is supposed to be on the child. Staying focused on that will allow both of you to live the agreement more easily.
  • No partnership. To parent together you have to see yourselves as on the same team. People on the same team cooperate, root for each other, and share common goals and plans. It can be hard to get to the place where you are able to cooperate, but you will likely feel much more in balance if you can reach this point.

The Sampair Group is ready to represent you in your family court case in the Glendale, Mesa, and Phoenix areas of Arizona. Schedule a time to speak with one of our skilled attorneys.

3 Benefits of Co-Parenting You May Not Be Aware Of

When you are working through a divorce or custody case, setting up a parenting plan can take a lot of time and effort. Often it is one of the most emotionally challenging aspects of the case. Many parents are able to come to an agreement about co-parenting and those who cannot are provided with orders from the court to follow. You are probably aware that co-parenting is usually considered to be the most beneficial plan possible for your family. No matter how your parenting plan comes into being, it has some benefits you may not have thought about.

  1. It teaches your child independence. While you may be worried about your child adjusting to two homes and a shared parenting schedule, the truth is that as challenging as the initial adjustment may be, the entire experience builds independence and confidence. Your child has to learn to plan and pack for the transitions. He or she also has to learn to be comfortable and confident in different environments.
  2. You get enforced free time. There isn’t a parent on the planet who has not dreamt about a day free of child care obligations. Of course you will miss your child when you are apart, but you now have time to yourself that is going to be a regular part of your schedule.
  3. Your children see the importance of conflict resolution skills. When you and your ex are able to work through your problems with each other to create a parenting schedule, attend events together, and create a united parenting front, no matter how flawed or imperfect, your children learn that it is possible to work through conflict and find common ground.

When you are going through a divorce or custody case, you have a lot of questions.  Call the Sampair Group today for help in Mesa, Glendale, and Phoenix today to discuss your case with one of our attorneys.

3 Benefits of Co-Parenting You May Not Be Aware Of

When you are working through a divorce or custody case, setting up a parenting plan can take a lot of time and effort. Often it is one of the most emotionally challenging aspects of the case. Many parents are able to come to an agreement about co-parenting and those who cannot are provided with orders from the court to follow. You are probably aware that co-parenting is usually considered to be the most beneficial plan possible for your family. No matter how your parenting plan comes into being, it has some benefits you may not have thought about.

  1. It teaches your child independence. While you may be worried about your child adjusting to two homes and a shared parenting schedule, the truth is that as challenging as the initial adjustment may be, the entire experience builds independence and confidence. Your child has to learn to plan and pack for the transitions. He or she also has to learn to be comfortable and confident in different environments.
  2. You get enforced free time. There isn’t a parent on the planet who has not dreamt about a day free of child care obligations. Of course you will miss your child when you are apart, but you now have time to yourself that is going to be a regular part of your schedule.
  3. Your children see the importance of conflict resolution skills. When you and your ex are able to work through your problems with each other to create a parenting schedule, attend events together, and create a united parenting front, no matter how flawed or imperfect, your children learn that it is possible to work through conflict and find common ground.

When you are going through a divorce or custody case, you have a lot of questions.  Call the Sampair Group todayfor help in Mesa, Glendale, and Phoenix today to discuss your case with one of our attorneys.

 

 

 

ARTICLE:7 of 10DATE:March 3, 2015

Becoming Flexible Co-Parents

18342548_sCo-parenting is a terrific buzz word, but truly co-parenting takes a lot of work and practice. One of the key elements of co-parenting is learning to be flexible about the parenting schedule. It’s important that your child have the amount of time that is scheduled with each parent, but being able to adjust that schedule to deal with unexpected changes and opportunities is very important.

If you and your ex are not yet at the point where you have been able to negotiate any changes to the schedule for special requests, think about the way in which you are presenting your requests. The best way to reach a consensus is to emphasize what’s best for your child. If you have tickets to a hockey game or musical your child would love to see on a day that is not scheduled to be yours, present it as an opportunity for your child, not as something you personally want. “Mia would love to see Wicked and I have tickets Saturday. What can we do to make sure she doesn’t miss out on this?”  Emphasize what your child wants or needs instead of what you want to do.

Asking your ex to be flexible with the schedule means that you need to be flexible in return. Try to think of parenting time by the month. Instead of being hyper focused on making sure you have the right number of days each week, look at the month as a whole. This allows everyone some flexibility while maintaining the right balance for your child. Your child could go to her cousin’s birthday party with your ex on your day one week while heading to an amusement park with you on a day scheduled to be your ex’s another week.

When you have questions about your custody case or parenting time, the Sampair Group is ready to provide the advice you need in Maricopa County, Arizona. Call us today to schedule an appointment.

Co-Parenting Through Conflict

relationshipsIf you’ve been reading about co-parenting after divorce you know that it’s all about communication. Working together as parents means putting your child’s best interests first and finding a way to work together to meet them. Successful co-parents are able to talk about their child and make decisions together. Successful co-parents redefine their relationship as parenting partners and work together in this new relationship.

That’s all great if you’re able to communicate, but what if you can’t? If every conversation turns into argument, if your ex won’t take your calls, if your ex always breaks her promises, or if you just can’t trust him to put your child’s needs first, what do you do? It’s still possible to move forward with a little work.

One of the best things you can do is go to a counselor together. Your marriage might be over, but your parenting relationship will continue forever. A professional can help you create new rules, boundaries, and patterns. It can be very hard to see a way forward if you’re still stuck in the same time-old conflicts. A therapist can reframe your relationship so you can actually work together.

If your ex isn’t interested in getting help, there are still some things that you personally can do. You can’t change how your ex thinks, reacts, and behaves, but you do have complete control of your own responses. You may be able to break the patterns if you change how you react. A counselor can help you personally navigate these new waters as a co-parent and change the way your interactions go.

If necessary, you can control your contact with your ex so that you only communicate by text or email, giving you time to think and react carefully. Approaching your ex like a difficult business contact can help you remain calm and stay focused on the parenting task at hand.

Call the Sampair Group for assistance with your divorce, custody or custody modification case in Glendale, Mesa and Phoenix, Arizona. We’re ready to help you today.

Avoid Co-Parenting Pitfalls

Sad WomanIt is very common for parents to have conflict regarding parenting issues within the first year of a co-parenting agreement or order. Parenting with your ex after a divorce or custody case is a challenge, but there are ways to avoid the courtroom revolving door. Staying away from these co-parenting pitfalls can help you manage your relationship without intervention.

  • Ignoring the rules. Your co-parenting agreement is essentially a rule book for how you are going to work with each. If either of you ignores these rules, your parenting relationship will break down. Stick to the rules whenever possible.
  • Miscommunication. So often the problems that land families back in court can be traced to miscommunication. It’s very important to be clear with each other, to be able to really listen, and to have open discussions that avoid arguments.
  • Difficulty accepting change. A divorce changes the dynamics of your family. While the dynamics clearly weren’t working in your marriage, everyone was used to them. A divorce and co-parenting arrangement changes everything and may include a shift of power. It’s important to focus on what the current situation is and find ways to live with it.
  • Lack of cooperation. When you get down to it, effective co-parenting requires cooperation. This means having a bit of flexibility, a bit of forgiveness, and a willingness to really work with each other. It may take a while to truly build cooperation and it may never be completely easy, but it is always worth the effort.

Call the Sampair Group for thoughtful, compassionate, and quality representation in your divorce, custody or custody modification case in Glendale, Mesa and Phoenix, Arizona.

What Is Co-Parenting?

safe and happyEveryone talks about co-parenting during and after divorce or a custody case. But what is it really?

Co-parenting does not have to include:

–        A 50/50 time split with the other parent for your child. You can co-parent whether you see your child once a month or every day. It’s about the communication, not the time break down.

–        Seeing your ex all the time. You don’t have to co-parent in person all the time. Co-parenting is about working together and having your child’s best interests in mind. Many people make co-parenting decisions by email or text.

–        Having to spent time together as a happy family. Some families like to do this, but it doesn’t work for everyone.

–        Being the one who always gives in. Co-parenting is about compromise, but both parents have to compromise for it to work.

–        Ignoring your issues with your ex. Of course you have issues – you got divorced! Good co-parents find a way to keep those issues separate.

Co-parenting should include:

–        Understanding that it is best for your child if you and your ex find a way to communicate about your child and work together as parents some of the time.

–        Keeping your problems with the ex away from your child.  The conflicts you have with each other should not be something your child sees or hears. Deal with those issues when your child is out of earshot.

–        Finding a way to parent together in person some of the time. This can be as simple as you both being at her soccer game or both of you attending concerts.

–        Keeping your ex involved your child’s life. Pass along emails and papers from school, information about achievements, and things that involve your child.

–        Sharing holidays in a fair way so your child sees both parents and does not feel burdened by a tug of war between you.

–        Accepting that you may have different parenting styles.

The Sampair Group is ready to represent you in Maricopa County, Arizona. Your family law case is important. Call us today.

Co-Parenting When Communication is Difficult

21393494_sCo-parenting is often challenging. However when you have an ex who is very difficult to communicate with, co-parenting becomes infinitely more difficult.  Co-parenting is essential in helping your child thrive after divorce. When parents can communicate and work together, children feel more secure after the end of the marriage. Successful co-parenting is built on trust and open communication, so making it work when communication breaks down is not ideal. If you are in this situation, you have to do the best you can under the circumstances. Follow these tips to improve or manage your situation.

  • See a counselor. It might sound crazy to go to family counseling after you are divorced, but seeing a counselor with the very narrow purpose of improving parental communication can provide strategies and tools that can help you find ways to work together for the benefit of your child. Communication is often a problem in divorce and learning how to improve it can make parenting in the years ahead much easier.
  • Change your behavior. You might not be able to change the way your ex behaves or communicates, but you can alter your own reactions and behavior. Your ex might push your buttons but you can temper your response to defuse the situation. It might seem unfair that you should have to change when it is your ex who has the problem, but if you want your own life to be easier, this will create a change in your relationship dynamics.
  • Use avoidance. Avoiding the situations and discussions that cause difficulty can help the same arguments and issues from tripping you up. Sometimes you have to accept that you can’t change some things.
  • Take a business approach. Treat your ex like a person you have a business transaction with. This means keeping your ex at arm’s length, focusing on handing your business together, and maintaining and an impersonal and unemotional interaction. Only discuss the issues related to the children. Often the ex wants to engage in other discussions regarding blame or your past relationship together. Most of the time these “discussion” are exhausting and unnecessary. Talk about the children, not the past.

When you are facing a divorce or custody case, you need a law firm that understands your needs. The Sampair Group provides personalized legal assistance in the Mesa or Glendale areas of Arizona. Our attorneys are ready to work for you.